Tuesday, July 23, 2013

My Quest

My life is a journey - a long, beautiful, hard journey.

My life is a quest - for something.

My life is one big mixture of mess and love and pain and joy.

As a child I never would have been able to predict the way I would be, as I am now, at adulthood.

As a child I would never had believed that I would believe or do the things I do now. I would never have been able to realize how much I would grow in my life.

When I was 18 I began my quest in ernest. That quest was for something God had made. It was for something that only I could find.

The quest was for me. To find myself. To find the person God wanted me to be.

The quest was to find out where He wanted me and what He wanted me to believe about the world, about Him, and about myself.

The quest was to find out what it meant to be an adult. To be independent. To live in the glorious freedom of being able to do exactly what I wanted to do.

The quest was to learn how to make decisions. To learn how to make mistakes, and get back up after a failure and keep going with a smile on my face.

During this quest God put me through fire, and pain, and lessons, and changed my opinions and views on life.

The quest lead me to embrace love and freedom. It lead me to embrace equality and independence. It lead me to embrace friends who I never would have dreamed about making but God knew I need them to learn from, and grow, and love and laugh. It lead me to want to love unconditionally.

The quest doesn't end. There will never be a point in my life where I can say "I have learned it all. I have found what God sent me to find." because until He takes me home I will always have more to learn. More to love. More mistakes to make. More to forgive. More to find.
I am now 22 - it has been 4 years since I started this journey in ernest. The journey of adulthood. I am an adult.

I choose to live in love. I choose to live in forgiveness. I choose to learn when to hold on and when to let go. I choose to laugh and to trust. I choose to be loyal  - but not too loyal - not so loyal I can't give up when needed. I choose to smile and dance in the sunshine and rain. I choose to leave myself very little time for sadness and misery and know how to move on from it quickly. I choose to surround myself in love and life and beauty and light. I choose to be a fighter.

I don't apologize for who I am. I don't change on a whim. I change when God brings me to a turn in my journey. When He decides to send me down a different path.

Soon I will move out of my parents house. I will step onto an airplane and then off again in another country that will be my new home.

A new, beautiful, scary, exciting road that I will start on. A new part to my quest - to my journey. New lessons. New mistakes. New successes. New loves. New new new.

Let's do this.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Jehovah Jireh

10 or so years ago I read a book. It was a book that changed my life forever.

Before that time I honestly don't remember thinking that much about what I wanted to do with my life. Butcher, baker, candlestick maker - whatever. :P

Then I opened that book and God changed me.

The book was about a missionary in the 1900's named Lillian Trasher. She was called to Egypt and when she got there, she was handed a baby who was basically dying. So she took it back to the mission base where she was staying. The baby cried and cried and finally the other missionaries told her she had to give the baby away if she wanted to stay there. She knew the Grandmother would throw the baby in the river if she brought it back, so Lillian went for a walk. While she was on that walk she rented a house. Then she moved into it with the baby and her sister. Now the Lillian Trasher Orphanage has 650 widows and orphans who live there.

I read her story and I just KNEW. I was going to move overseas and do the same thing. If it meant I would be in danger, or near sicknesses, or having to stand in front of someone's gun to protect my kids then so be it, because God would be on my side, and so it would all be ok.

Another thing about Lillian struck me hard, and still does - she totally relied on God to provide her and her kids needs. And He ALWAYS DID. She always was able to feed the kids and care for them, even when it looked bleakest. (Sounds similar to George Muller, huh? :)).

And I thought - Wow! I wish God would do that for me!

But honestly, I never believed it would happen for me - sure God would take care of me, but relying totally on Him - what if He didn't provide???

I was living a fairly normal (if you can ever call my life normal at any point in time ;)) life, I had a job, went to school, earned money, passed my classes.

And then it happened.

God told me to move to Africa and open an organization for kids in a village there.

I spent 4 days in said village - I bucket bathed in a "shower" with no door (moonlight bathing is the way to go - just sayin ;)), I used a squatty-potty with cave crickets that looked like they were huge spiders that could attack you at any moment and with lizards that drop on you, I "slept" (kinda ;)) in tiny 3-roomed house right near grass roofed huts. I helped a 12-year-old girl get water in huge containers that she carried on her head (that girl is stronger than I probably EVER will be).

I met grandmother's who had no income and could barely walk caring for 12 kids. I met a 14-year-old girl who had just had a baby a couple hours earlier. I walked through the village and saw the village children come out to stare at me because I am white.

And as I stood listening to the Grandmother talk and saw as children with little to no hope gather around her to listen (and to stare at me ;)), I KNEW - God wanted me in this place.

Now I'm going back.

And guess what - God is providing for our EVERY NEED. I wrote about it before, but financially I have a huge story to tell.

The village needs a well - right now they have to walk so far for water, and not only will our organization need a well on our land since we will be caring for so many kids, but, like I said, the surrounding villagers need one closer too.

So we began raising money for this well. It was slow - and a bit discouraging to be honest.
Then we had an amazing offer - someone told us that in the following two weeks (at the time) whatever donations we got they would match up to $2000.

We freaked out.
No way we can do that we thought.

The first week went by and fundraising was slow.

And then God did something.

He did something that He did for George Muller and all the kids he cared for.

He did something that He did for Lillian Trasher and her steps out into an unknown country.

He provided.

He showed us that we are NOTHING without Him. He showed us that WE COULD NOT RAISE THAT MONEY.

But HE could.

In the last week He provided not only the $2000 to be matched but DOUBLE that! He sent us over $4000. Which meant with the matching donation He provided over $6000.

Which means -



I wrote about total trust in my last post.

I have a long way to go.

But God will do great things for these people in Africa who He loves in spite of me.

He will provide for these people and for me and Kris just as He provided for Lillian Trasher and her kids 100 years ago.

God will do great things because He is able!

Jehovah Jireh!