Monday, April 23, 2012

The Ache Will Last Forever...

Do you have anything or any person that you think about every single day? Something/one that you miss so much that your heart aches and you wonder how in the world you will get through that day... That week... That month... That year... Those many years till you have that person back in your arms?

I do.

I think about "my" kids in Uganda every single day. I ACHE to hold them again. I ACHE to hear their little voices call me "Auntie Ammmy" again. I ACHE to have susu (pee) all over my clothes again. I ACHE to change a billion and one diapers again. I ACHE to hear "my" Mama's call me "Daughter" again. I ACHE to have sweet baby kisses planted on my cheek. I ACHE to spoil them with chocolate cake and soda. I ACHE know "my" kids are safe because I can see them - I ACHE to be able to see them every single day, and boast about how proud I am of them

Are they my kids? Not really - they are God's kids. They will always have a HUGE special spot in my heart. Even if I never get to see them again in this life, every time I see their pictures or think of their names I will miss them, and love them.

Even so I ache. Each time a little kid pushes me away because they have a loving family (which makes me so happy for that child) it makes me long to hold those kids who don't have a family, because they need the love and the touch and they need to know that I love them - oh so very much. Each hurting child, each lonely child, each child without a family, each neglected child, each starving child, each of them get a special place in my heart, and no matter how many I meet in my life, I know there will always be enough room for each of them to have a special place in my heart - because God made it big on purpose.

Some kids I miss especially - My girl Jemima - how she made me earn her trust - I had to work hard for it, but it was so rewarding in the end. Her parting words to me. Her sassy times, and the times she needed someone to stick by her when she was in a bad mood. The pain that I had to leave her, when she told me to stay. Knowing that I may never see her again in this life.
My boy Ashraf - his silly faces, him trying to talk to me in his language, his craziness.
Simon - His chubby cheeks and fat legs. His amazing smile, and huggableness.
Jacob - How I love that kid!
My list could keep going... And going... And going...

Appreciate every moment you have with your kids, or other little ones God has put in your life. Let the little things slide - in the end what matters?

Oh God, take care of each of the kids - and give them people to love them - even if I desperately want it to be me.